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Im really confused right now, well... more scared then confused. Not about what I want really but about what is going to happen next. But I guess that's what love it... right? Not knowing what the next step will be, confiding in another person to help you along the way, and if you fall.... trusting them to catch you and help you get up again. Im not really sure if it is possible to love someone this much, or to be sure if you love someone this much. Because if I do love him, then why am I so confused. Will there ever be a point where I wont have any doubts or worries. I time when I can be garunteed 100 percent happiness. Is the such thing as being 100 percent happy? If there are always doubts and questions in the back of my mind then am I really "in love"? How do you pick out the good guys from the bad? Or is love just a game of chances... just one risk after another. What are you willing to put out on the table, what are you willing to give up, and how much can you really trust a certian person?
Im pretty sure Im happier then I've ever been, but I'll have to admit... a part of me will always wonder if he wishes he were with "her", if he misses the girl before me, and whats really going through his mind... are there things he isnt telling me? Could he be "the one" or is he just one of the many who will hurt me?
Why can't love be explained in terms of black and white. There are so many grey areas, so many things that no one can be sure of, so many questions that never get answererd until it's to late. There are a lot of risks you have to take for love. You just have to be the one who can look at that special guy and say... "Is he worth the risk?"
So those are my random thoughts of the day, actually its just a whole bunch of thoughts through out the week put together. Luckily I'm happy, and I have risked a few things... and it's been worth it... so far. But no one can predict the future... so i guess we will see what happens. |
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this is a random post but ashley convinced me to start writing in this again so i figured hell why not
By the way it's been an awesome spring break with lindsey and ashley i must say... dang i love those girls! | | |
| So this isnt the weekend that I was hoping it to end up being.
Last night me kevin and a bunch of people from work were going to go haunted housing but Kevin decided he didn't want to go and that he would rather go drink and play poker with some friends, so i said ok if u wanna go hang out with them thats fine and he said he would call me later. So I call him around 1 and he says he is still there and he will call me back and hangs up. I mean i wouldnt want him to actually get of the phone with an I love you. Especially around all the guys. Then until almost 2:30 for him to call and he never does so I go to bed. Well actually before i go to bed I called and canceled breakfast with my youth pastor since today was sweetest day and i wanted to spend it with kevin. So I wake up with 3 missed calls from kevin at 4:30 am. I was actually pretty annoyed that I tried to wait up for him and he didnt even call and mention that he wasnt going to be home until 4. But it wasnt a big deal, so I went out to target at 11 to get some stuff for sweetest day and i made him this really awesome gift, and all together it cost $40. So I called him wanting to come over and he wont because he is over @ Ricky's playing video games. Wow.. happy sweetest day huh? I hope most girls have better luck trying to spend time with their b/f then I've had today. Oh well, I guess I will just sit around and wait til I have to go to work...
Call me if u wanna do something tonight, because Its not like I'd actually expect my boyfriend to want to spend time with me.... | | |
| Wow, I'm really not good at updating this. Oh well, Im annoyed though so i figured I'd post something.
Actually there isnt really a whole lot that I want to say other then all you bitches who used to be my friend... FUCK you! Because I give up trying to talk to any of you, I dont care if I graduate high school with 0 friends... it will still be better then having to have been associated with any of you. And if you are reading this, your probably one of the people I'm talking about, and that goes for guys too. So all im asking is that you all do me a favor and dont look at me, dont talk to me or of me, and just stay out of my way. I hate fake bitches and that is all everyone is and ever has been, including those of you who try to talk to me and you dont think i know how you are... well get a clue...!
But ya I think that's about good for today. Posting this will make me feel a whole lot better.
There is one person in my life who has given me a reason to trust them.... and i was to say to that person thankyou for that. You are the one person who never turned your back, or let me down. I love ya!
By the way everyone... Im not naturally a bitch to everyone... if your are one of the few people who is on my good side, then you know that. As for the rest of you, the bitchy side of me is all you'll ever see. | | |
| Havn't posted for a while, that seems to be happening a lot lately. But ive been really busy with school, work and dance so that doesnt leave a whole lot of time for anything.
But basically School sucks, almost all of my classes sucks, and it's really pretty pointless. Who ever would have thought that senior year would suck so bad? Maybe it will get better... probably not.
by the way Happy 18th Birthday Kevin!!! I love you, and hope you have a wonderful bday!!!
but thats really all i have to say, gotta go get kevin a birthday gift then going over to his house to have dinner with his family! I'll try to keep updating!
Much Love | | |
| I LOVE JULIE AND I MISS HER SO MUCH!
Julie I feel so left out of everything, and I miss our talks and our inside jokes more then you can ever know! Like manley said "you guys are each others energy sources, whenever i see one with out the other you look all sad" it's so truse babe, ive missed ya all summer, but I'm really glad that you found someone that makes you happy! I really really am. And i cant wait to hear all about it. It's been a lonly calm summer with out ya babe, summer of '04 will never be beat or forgotten. Can't wait til school starts... we are gonna need a ton of notebooks to fill each other in on everything! Love ya babe!!
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